Sexual Theory

I remember what happened in my first marriage. After the illusion of caring was completely erased by his selfish actions - I lost the love. Which means he lost the pussy.

In retrospect, it was all very plain. I was miserable. I put up with him. I felt trapped. I was tied to him by children and debt. I made the best of it. I told myself "You've made your bed now lie in it" So I did. And sometimes I would actually lay with him. And I hated it. Did I communicate this with him? No, not the sex part. Every other part got hashed over, reviewed, discussed, mutually agreed upon and ultimately ignored by him. How could I expect that I would open up with him about sex if he couldn't even hold up his end of the bargain we reached about the common courtesy of calling if one was going to later than expected?

He just didn't get it. Literally and figuratively.

It's my theory that a mature woman in love will do absolutely anything in the sack - at least once - a lot more if she genuinely enjoys the sensation. (For instance I will let my man plunder my ass; but I do it for him - not for me*)

If you're not getting any -- she's(he's) just not that in to you...

I was talking with my buddy yesterday saying that a couple's sex life can be a barometer for all other aspects in their relationship. Communication, compassion, caring, respect -- the quality of all these elements adds and/or subtracts from a successful coital relationship. If the sex sucks, then there is at least one of those four elements that's missing from the equation...and the relationship is doomed. Although a couple may hang on long past the due date -- as I did for an additional 11 years after I'd lost any respect for the man -- I'd lay odds on it ain't lasting; at least not without some serious misery.

I have been voraciously sexual since my divorce - trying to make up for lost time and opportunity. I thank the stars every day that I've found someone worth the attention. We have all the communication, compassion, caring, and respect that was so sorely absent from our first marriages. We delight in each other and when I read fellow bloggers that have not taken the leap yet - I cheer them on, willing them to take the same steps and experience the re-awakening that I did.


*yet